Submitted to the Hull Dail Mail Your Letters for publication on 30/01/2002 after the news that the Humberside Police has a new poet in residence Ian McMillan.
Look, we all know it,
We don't need a poet!
We need to be effective:
Be out there, be detectives;
Not reading liter'ry treats
But out there, on the beat;
Not 'earing lots of stanzas
But out there riding in Pandas;
Not puttin' words down on pages
But gettin' criminals in cages!
What can you do, just being so funny,
Lounging about, wasting police money?
Wasting police time,
Telling us, "Do it in rhyme!"
So, hello, hello, hello,
I'm goin' to arrest you, you know.
Yes, you're a taxpayer's pest;
Which is why, "You're under arrest!"
Lock 'im up neatly:
And we'll just be PCs.