Essay Writing

Below are two boxes. These can be sent to me with work done. There are two ways to use the boxes. One is to follow the exercises as laid out. However, there is another way. Enter some notes of your own work in the first box. Enter some prose essay work into the second box. Press send. Comments will be sent by email.

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The following is a passage that needs work. It seems literate, but it is a mess. Some sentences are awkward. There is too much inappropriate informality combined with formality. A lot of waste exists and there is redundancy in phrasing: much can be cut completely and other parts rephrased without loss of meaning. There are spelling mistakes and typing errors. The bibliography is inconsistent. See if it can be made simpler with the meaning of the passage made clearer. Remove this paragraph and edit the rest. When done, send it. Alternatively, highlight all text and delete, and then use this box for some notes. Then move to the second box. My tutor asked us, can everyone succeed educationally? Here is a suggested answer. It's gotta be obvious to anyone but it's my opinion that not everyone can succeed educationally, or if to many did, not everyone can use their success to their most efficient economic end, atleast within this instrumental (economic) educational purpose and understanding of education, and, to be honest, the supply side educational system should has, to be efficient and economical, built in failuring. We are taking about supply and demand here in the economy. From the demand side, what people want, the interest on this one must be in where the social capital exists (in terms of support - we learnt about this) in order to produce human capital (achievement, in these terms) (see Coleman, 1988, in Halsey et. al., 1997, pp. 83, 86). This positive social kapital can be found in supporting and encouraged structures of humane relationships together. Put the other way, from another direction, i think a major instrumental tusk of education is to train a top elite (Mitchell, 1959, 142-144) and not produced an overeducated mass (1). What's the point of that? The big mass needs training in at least basic tasks and abilities, and not above their station, whilst accept that in a competetitive society (the free market as in Adam Smith's invisible hand though it's not like that these days), talents that do exist (therein and within) must be nurtured, developed (look in Mitchell, 1959, page 144), brought along and therefore maximised to the top (according to whatever the demand may be). We don't know what it may be - but that is the paint of the market (2). This nurturing, developing, bringing along and maximising up produces an exact combination of equal opportunity (Mitchell, 1959, 144) within a situation where some percentages pass and succeed whatever may be the actual overall widespread educational level. And we don't know that. (1) We can imagine an overeducated mass where people are having to settle for jobs that are just too simple for them to do, leading to a lot of frustration except for the few lucky people who get into the good jobs. (2) See above about supply and demand. Coleman, J. S. (1988), Social Capital in the Creation of Human Capital, American Journal of Sociology, 94, S95-S120, in Halsey, A. H. et al. (1997), Education: Culture, Economy and Society, Oxford: Oxford University Press, 80-95. Halsey, A. H., Lauder, H., Brown, P., Wells, A. S. (eds.) (1997), Education: Culture, Economy and Society, Oxford: Oxford University Press. G. Duncan Mitchell. Sociology: The Study of Social Systems. University Tutorial Press. London, 1959. The task is to simplify this piece and to remove redundancy. The bibliography should be made consistent and economic (for example, why give the Halsey et. al. title twice?). There is an actual version, which is not itself perfect, at http://www.change.freeuk.com/learning/howteach/essaysocial.pdf
This is a different exercise. Here is a set of notes that will become an essay. It is possible to convert these notes into a narrative of prose English. Have a go. The origin is from a real (not perfect) essay: at http://www.change.freeuk.com/learning/relthink/madissertation.html Remove this paragraph and edit the rest. When done, send it. Alternatively, highlight all text and delete, and then use this box for academic standard prose based on notes in the first box. Then click Send the Work. Process Theology God is within evolutionary change [already discussed] Connected to that More specialised progressive revelation From the other end: top down Evolutionary change from the world Progressive revelation from God: continuing revelation. [There is that saying:] "God has yet more light and truth to break forth from his word." Trinitarians have further revelation Must be nevertheless back to/ about eternal Christian revelation. [Contrast this] Unitarian Universalist it means new. [Compare with] Try the Bahais: Progressive revelation is a key concept of theirs [so useful]. Shi'ite Islamic to Babi [one change] Less militant and parochial in early Bahai [big change as it moves westwards] [Bahai faith] Revelation (from God) forms historical advancements Uses prophets called manifestations of God. Islam says same story in every prophet, Bahai advance through ages Jewish prophets, Christ, Mohammed... [then] Bab as forerunner of the central figure Baha'u'llah [Contrast] much more literalist and precise than Unitarian Universalism Yet same idea: God revealing new truths for new times One objection: morality [Question] Confusion of technology increasing but are we morally better? [Question] How is progressive revelation fundamental change? e.g. Bahais expect war to end! [Critical] Progressive revelation as a God-based religious gloss over humanism and pluralism [Specific again] For the Bahais, was it a shock of the West's advancement? Issue of human effort, subjectivity, relativism, culture [Deeper question: getting to the nugget] How can one separate a valid revelation from heresy? (the Bahais problem with leadership divisions and covenant breakers) [Argument] If no one will declare what is heresy (as in Unitarian Universalism) anything goes regarding progressive revelation There is an actual version, which is not itself perfect, at http://www.change.freeuk.com/learning/socthink/madissertation.html
When one or both boxes have been worked in, send the result by clicking on the Send the Work button below.

Use of clear, simple, sentences
Accurate and appropriate punctuation
Spelling: British English; the spellchecker error of correctly spelt wrong words
Writing confidently:	In defined, flowing, paragraphs
	In an overall structure of Introduction - body - conclusion
	Referencing: only what was read, and used, and consistently

The content is evidence and argument
Argument depends on evidence (sources)
Critique is direct and close:	Criticism is particular and informed at each stage
Evaluation is broad and an overview yet justified by the sourcing:	Weighing up follows on from critique
	Subjective opinions must be limited even within the evaluating
	Personal preference is the least interesting matter

Complete sentences required
Neutrality style:	Myths of objectivity and disinterestedness examined
Avoid first person:	Avoid "the author states" as a cheap alternative
Use economy in writing:	Avoid redundancy of adjectives and adverbs	No pleonastic phrases
	Metaphors are risky
	Connections should be direct and concrete
	Use simplicity in word choice (complexity looks after itself)
Avoid punctuation that facilitates contraction
Avoid exclamation marks

Care with too many sub-clauses in brackets: reduce
Minimise punctuation: comma, full stop, semi-colon and colon
If two sentences out of one ease reading, use two
Italicised foreign phrases introduce fog - so do not
Use simple consistent referencing that keeps the flow
Avoid footnotes:	If it is important, place it in the text
	If is is not important, don't use it

Tell a story: don't give away the whole ending in the introduction
Paragraphs should link in the story: move them around for effectiveness
The narrative follows the method:	Inductive: build it to a summit from evidence to conclusion
	Deductive: go from the hypothesis to the evidence
Titles: the fewer the better	Keep titles to when there are major breaks and changes, and when the narrative needs a new start

Essay Writing Skills

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The Academic Writing Convention:

What Distinguishes Academic Writing:

Academic Literacy

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High Quality Conventions

Online Exercises